Philophobia is simply the fear of falling in love or engaging in a romantic relationship. In some more extreme cases, philophobia can even lead someone to be afraid of loving family or friends.
Those who have ever fallen in love or are in love know that love is such a wonder and a beauty. For some reason, there are situations in life that we cannot avoid and one of them is our ability to fall in love. Even when the circumstances are not favorable or when the person is not right, the feelings take place unconsciously
It’s that thing that happens when two people are talking about the universe and then they all laugh and one lightly touches the other’s arm for just a second and then let’s go. That, yes, is a sign that someone is into the other
For some Love is a terrible Force, a great Power not to leave naively unguarded, a little like a panther or a wild animal that could at any moment, if not careful, give a devastating scratch or worse, jump to the throat and then devour us to satiety. Love life is not always easy for some, and these people sometimes end up missing opportunities or being too insecure and never revealing their feelings just because of fear.
How is your relationship, does it only last a maximum of a few weeks? Maybe you should think about what that is and if your partner was the problem. Or if it’s something else: your fear of getting involved and falling in love with someone. People with philophobia get fears as the relationship get more serious.
What is philophobia?
Philophobia is simply the fear of falling in love or engaging in a romantic relationship. In some more extreme cases, philophobia can even lead someone to be afraid of loving family or friends.
The act of falling in love can be one of the most incredible experiences that human beings can feel, but for a philophobics, it can become a situation that produces a terrible sense of discomfort and high levels of emotional and physical stress.
All phobia implies fear, extreme fear before a given situation. Fear awakens in us the need to defend ourselves from what we consider a threat or attack, activating with it a series of behavioral patterns that help us deal with this intense fear.
When it comes to philophobia the fear is so intense that it creates different defense mechanisms. Just as a person uses a weapon to defend themselves when they feel attacked and in danger, a person suffering from philophobia uses different defensive modes of behavior when they feel they are about to fall in love.
This anxiety disorder can have an effect on the social and emotional life of the person who suffers it. In severe cases, the philophobic may not only avoid potential love affairs but may stop relating to co-workers, neighbors, friends and family.
Causes of fear of love
An intensely negative experience in the past may have triggered the reaction and caused the condition some therapists believe. The patient who suffers from philophobia has wounds from a divorce (personal divorce or Divorce from parents) watching parent fight or break up or witness domestic violence in their infancy, a process of painful heartbreak, prevents them from any potential situation of being hurt again by a lover.
Under certain circumstances, many cultures and religions place relationships between men and women as illicit and frown on romantic love. This can cause intense panic in the mind of the person who possesses philophobia since they firmly believe they will incur the wrath of the elders or God if they have feelings or thoughts about love.
When a person has already suffered a disappointment of love at some point in their life the fear of commitment sets in. People who go through series of disappointments cannot trust anyone else and they always insist on comparing all their new partners with the people they’ve become involved with. Excessively anxious people may be more likely to develop the fear of love, constant negative thoughts, anxiety and panic disorders are also linked to philophobia
What are the most common symptoms?
There are several opinions regarding this disorder. But it seems that what triggers Philophobia is a bitter failure of a past relationship that has not been overcomed. At a physical level, symptoms become very obvious when they are in the presence of the opposite sex, of whom they feel physical and emotional attraction for.
They cannot keep any relationships or stay committed. They are so afraid of love that they cannot open up to anyone.
Their well-being often depends on the answers they receive from the person they love. This can keep them tense and anxious all the time. They can be extremely possessive or, on the contrary, can ward off their loved ones with their detachment.
The person also experiences severe anxiety due to commitment pressures: restlessness, shallow breathing, increased heart rate, nausea, and chest pains are some physical symptoms that can be attributed to philophobia.
Panic and anxiety attacks are also common.
What behavioral patterns can we identify in a person suffering from philophobia?
To justify themselves that they should not get involved in that relationship anymore They tend to look for defects in the other partner.
Many philophobics are infatuated with unattainable relationships, they fall in love with unreachable people to convince themselves that they can love, but that it is the circumstances that do not make that relationship assessable.
They seek to relate to people who are very different from them, thinking that in this way the union will fail and they will not feel the pressure to leave the relationship only because of their fears.
They tend to do things that set in disputes with the other person, just to upset the partner to leave the relationship in this way it is not them who leaves the relationship.
They isolate themselves emotionally when they feel that the other person is getting too close, falling into behaviors such as avoiding phone calls, ceasing to see them regularly, making up excuses.
They avoid social contact to the point of isolation and they always have new affairs
Extreme anxiety, fear and nervousness at the idea of falling in love or establishing an intimate connection with someone
To disfigure themselves with scars, burns, tattoos; consciously bringing to the last degree of obesity and rendering their appearance unattractive.
Change as individuals, for the worse, shows aggressive actions in relation to those who like them; they become sadists at home, feeling that they love their partner much more than they would like.
Who is affected most?
Women, as well as men, can be affected by the philophobia. The intensity of the female victim is much higher than that of the male. It because women have high emotions compared to their male counterparts. Making the affected have complexes which includes feelings such as humiliation, resentment, sadness, helplessness, and frequent sad memories. Philophobics often feels helpless and does not seem to be able to overcome all the consequences of what happened. A person often blames himself for leaving and becomes angry.
Those affected do not do so on purpose and do not find that unusual. We can say that the real fear is not in the fact of loving or not, but it is a fear associated with a whole range of factors. Fear of losing individuality, fear of not being a free person, fear of being abandoned, and fear that their partner will not meet expectations. They just do not find great love because they are masked and they think that’s just the way it is.
This uncertainty about love can also affect other behaviors. Love like any other emotion comes to us without choosing when and how. To us fear the is not specifically to feel love or to be loved but, there is a whole history behind linked to past experiences that have led the person to feel that they are better without that commitment. Philophobics often cannot show feelings in many situations.
Treatment of philophobia
Philophobia and any other phobia can be cured. Drugs and medications may be prescribed. However, these are not a permanent solution. Other therapies that provide long-term healing are needed. The treatments that can be used for philophobics are desensitization therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnotherapy, neurolinguistic programming and antidepressant medications
Cognitive-behavioral therapy
Identifying and changing thoughts, beliefs and reactions regarding that original source that triggered the phobia with the help of a cognitive-behavioral therapist. Cognitive therapy is an approach with a high success rate and that is highly effective in this type of situation. In this type of cognitive behavioral therapies. First, the therapist work teaching patient to recognize their thought that make them reach a conclusion that is not very useful for them, that is the thoughts that leads them to have dysfunctional thoughts and behavior (Philophobia). The therapies get patient to be able to reflect on their way of thinking and then they will help the victim put into practice techniques to destroy this mental process and replace it with another, more constructive one.
Affective desensitization therapy
It consists of exposing the patient to the object or situation that causes fear (in this case, romantic relationships) until it is desensitized. The therapist can even use technology to simulate this interaction and thus prepare the person for real-life situations.
Affective desensitization is used to treat phobias of all kinds. It is about learning to relax while imagining scenes or exposing the patient to the object or situation that, progressively, are causing greater anxiety. Virtual reality is very good here.”The repeated presentation of the stimulus causes the patient to progressively lose their capacity to evoke anxiety and consequently physical, emotional or cognitive discomfort” The technique is very effective in combating classic phobias, chronic fears, and some interpersonal anxiety reactions.
What can I do if I think I have philophobia?
If you have philophobia there are some things you can do for you to fall in love or to maintain romantic relationships:
Face your fears
Avoiding the conditions that causes fear is not the solution, but rather aggravates the problem. As mention above, philophobia usually appears after a traumatic experience with a previous partner, so to have negative emotional memory gradually fade away is to be open to love again and your social contacts. So exposing themselves more to love helps that frightening. Therefore, we cannot refuse to love only because it produces fear.
Learn to manage emotions
We must try to leave behind irrational thoughts created by past experiences and future expectations. Live the present, enjoy relaxation, listen to music, practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is aimed at providing us with a method to learn to manage emotions, reactions, attitudes and thoughts in order to face the situations that life presents us, through the practice and perfection of full consciousness. These are activities help us reestablish emotional control in our lives. People who practice mindfulness on a daily basis show better control over emotions and behaviors during the day. Feelings alter our thinking and can go overboard if not mastered. We must drive them through emotional control thus being able to modify our emotional and sentimental state, when necessary.
Express your fear
Communication is a key factor in any relationship and to be able to feel stronger when dealing with philophobia. You should try to open up with trusted people and explain what is happening to you, why we feel this way and how we feel. Keeping all the negative feelings we experience is highly dangerous and discouraged. The simple conversation with that close person can make you see things differently and will help you to better understand the reactions and therefore emotional stress will be reduced.
Give yourself time
It is not a good idea that we want to overcome our fears overnight. Some people try to remedy their state of anxiety by rushing, wanting to fix everything in a day this is impossible. Emotional wounds can take a few days, weeks and even months to heal. If you are still emotionally devastated it dangerous forcing yourself to relate to others in an intimate way. Precisely, to overcome a phobic disorder, the first thing we must do is give our mind time to adapt to the new changes. Take the time to properly focus on your life, do not get overwhelmed, we must learn to live with ourselves, discover new sensations, and of course find ways to be happy and little by little, you will overcome
Get help if necessary
Psychologists and psychotherapists are specialized in treating this type of emotional disorders. As philophobia is an anxiety disorder caused by previous negative experiences, family or relational, it is recommended to go to a health professional if it is not possible to overcome it alone. They will give you guidelines so you can better understand where your fear comes from and manage it to get rid of it. Cognitive behavioral therapy and emotional desensitization have proved very effective in overcoming phobic disorders.