Strange Creatures from Filmland (Part 4)

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nFilm: House (1986)

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nCreature:  Ex-wifenWitch

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nComments: House is all about this writer who goes away to anhouse he’s inherited from his late aunt to write his novel. Unfortunately, thisnhouse is a haunted house that drives people crazy by making them face theirnpersonal demons. The film offers up some pretty amusing creatures, one of themnis this witch you see pictured above, who by the way used to be thenprotagonists wife! Should he shoot her? Is it really his ex-wife? Or is thisnhouse playing tricks on him again?

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nMonster Quote: “Where’s you’re son Roger? He’s Dead!”

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nFilm: Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983)

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nCreature: Demonic Rabbit n

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nComments: Twilight Zone: The Movie is an anthology film andnone of the stories is about this little boy named Anthony who has the powers ofna god! Anything he wishes for comes true! Problem is he’s just a child! Henlives in a house with his family, whom he hates. And if there’s one thing younshould never do is piss off a kid with the powers of a God! When he gets angry,nhe brings all the Warner Bros. cartoons he watches to life! As a result, we getnthis crazy fucked up version of Bugs Bunny amongst other cartoony yet monstrousnlooking beasties! 

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nMonster Quote: “I know you have a power, a gift that makesnyou special. You better be careful, for one day it might be too big for you toncontrol.”

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nFilm: The Gate (1987)

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nCreature:  Demon fromnHell

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nComments: The Gate is all about these kids who unwillinglyndo every rite necessary to open up a gate to hell, right in their backyard! Itnisn’t long before all matter of demons, zombies and midget monsters startnroaming around their living room! At one point, a gate to hell opens up rightnin the middle of their living room and this gigantic demon pops out to spookneveryone!

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nMonster Quote: “We accidently summoned demons who used tonrule the universe, to come and take over the world”

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nFilm: Night of the Creeps (1986)

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nCreature:  MidgetnAlien

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nComments: Night of the Creeps is like a sci-fi flick fromnthe 50’s, mixed with a zombie flick, a detective flick, a slasher flick and annalien invasion flick, all rolled up into one big fat cinematic blunt! You see,nin Night of the Creeps, this crazy alien scientist pictured above creates thesenslugs that crawl in through your mouth and procreate in your brain! Then, whennall the new slugs are ready, your head blows up and a gazillion alien slugsnroam free, looking for more brains to procreate in! Crazy huh? What? Younhaven’t seen this flick yet? What are you waiting for? Go see it now!

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nMonster Quote: “Zombies, exploding heads and creepyncrawlies…and a date for the formal. This is classic Spanky!”

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nFilm: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003)

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nCreature:  Mr. Hyde

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nComments: This film is based on Alan Moore’s comic, ThenLeague of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which essentially brings together all thesenclassic heroes all in one story. This is why we get Allan Quatermain, ThenInvisible Man, Dorian Gray, Captain Nemo, Tom Sawyer and finally, Dr. Jekyllnand Mr. Hyde. They all get together to stop a villain from taking over thenworld, you know how that goes. One of the coolest moments in the film is whennDr. Jekyll takes a potion and turns into the monstrous Mr. Hyde. This movie isnhated by many, but I honestly find it to be tons of fun. And with gnarlynmonsters like Mr. Hyde to make things all the more entertaining? Sign me up.

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nMonster Quote: “You can’t shut me out forever, drink thenelixir!”

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nFilm: The Fly (1986)

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nCreature:  The Fly

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nComments: On this David Cronenberg remake of the classicnhorror film, we meet Seth Brundle, a brilliant scientist who’s just figured outnthe secrets of teleportation, by experimenting on himself! Unfortunately, whennhe teleported himself, a fly got into the telepod with him and voila! Now he isnhalf human, half house fly! He goes through some amazingly grossntransformations, but the end result is the horrendous (yet cool, ‘causenmonsters are cool let’s not forget about that!) creature you see picturednabove.

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nMonster Quote: “I am an insect, who dreamt he was a man andnloved it. But now the dream is over and the insect is awake”

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nFilm: The Monster Squad (1987)

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nCreature:  ThenCreature from the Black Lagoon

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nComments: In Monster Squad, Dracula is reuniting all thenclassic monsters from the Universal Monsters movies to aid him in taking overnthe world! Imagine that, a world, ruled by Dracula! So anyhow, one of thesencreatures is The Creature from the Black Lagoon! Honestly, this is one of mynfavorite interpretations of that monster; it was done by Stan Winston studios,nand as you can see, the creature rocks! It really looks alive on film.

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nMonster Quote: “Creature stole my twinkie!”

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nFilm: Leviathan (1989)

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nCreature: Leviathan

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nComments: So once upon a time during the late 80’s JamesnCameron was shooting The Abyss (1989) and every studio in the world wanted tondo their copycat version of this big ass movie that Cameron was making for 20^thnCentury Fox, so Carolco made Deep Star Six (1989) and MGM made Leviathann(1989), which was a mash up of two much better films: Aliens (1979) and ThenThing (1982). But still, Leviathan had creature effects designed by StannWinston, which is why the end result kind of baffles me because it just doesn’tnlook all that great on film, in my book anyways. The film worked better when itnkept the creature in the shadows, the big reveal was kind of a letdown. Still,nthe film has it’s moments and the art direction and set design arenimpressive. 

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nMonster Quote: “That’s just great, you’re telling me we’vengot a goddamn Dracula in here with us?”

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nFilm: Dreamscape (1984)

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nCreature:  HumanoidnSnake

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nComments: Dreamscape is all about these scientists who’venbuilt a machine that allows you to go into peoples dreams. In order to helpnthese machines, they need people with a certain mental disposition, they gottanbe psychics! So anyhow, at one point one of the psychics enters a childs mindnto try and help him overcome his fear of nightmares and the creatures henconfronts in them, amongst these creatures the child encounters in hisnnightmares is the humanoid snake pictured above. By todays standards the stopnmotion animation is pretty awful, but still, the idea behind the creature isnkinda nuts which is why I included it here.

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nMonster Quote: “In this world Alex, you’re nothing. And me,nI’m God!”

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nFilm: Hellraiser (1987)

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nCreature: Demon from Hell

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nComments: Hellraiser is one of those films that’s fillednfrom top to bottom with makeup effects, gore, monsters and demons. In it, angirl named Kirsty comes into contact with the Lament Configuration, a puzzlenbox that when solved opens the gates of hell wide open. One of two thingsnhappen, strange creatures known as Cenobytes come and get you so they can takenyou back to hell and torture you for all eternity, or you wonder into hell outnof curiosity, which is what Kristy does when she solves the puzzle. Upon hernwonders through the hallways of hell she encounters many dark, strange vistas,none of them is the strange creature pictured above! This strange creaturenchases her straight out of hell and into the real world!

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nMonster Quote: “You solved the box, we came. Now you mustncome with us, taste our pleasures.”

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nFilm: The Princess Bride (1987)

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nCreature:  R.O.U.S.n(Rodents of Unusual Size)

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nComments: In The Princess Bride, the good guys are escapingnthe bad guys and at one point they decide to hide in ‘The Fire Swamp’ a swampnthat has three inherit dangers: The Flame Spurt which is a burst of fire thatncomes out of the ground every couple of seconds and can be avoided by thisnwarning sound it makes before it bursts, the lightning sand, which is basicallynquicksand, and the R.O.U.S.’s, which are these savagely huge rats. Basically,nimagine what a man sized rat would be like and that’s an R.O.U.S.

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nMonster Quote: “Rodents of Unusual Size? I don’t think theynexist.” [Immediately an R.O.U.S. attacks them]

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nFilm: The Unnamable (1988)

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nCreature:  The Unnamablen

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nComments: Based on the H.P. Lovecraft story of the samenname, The Unnamable is the story of this woman who during the 1880’s has thisnhorrible looking baby that is so ugly that they don’t even know what to namenit, so they call it the unnamable. The creature murders its own family and endsnup locked up in the dungeon of a house. Fast forward to 1988 and a group ofncurious teenagers, who have heard of the legend want to find out if it’s true.nOf course, we all know what happens once they get there. The creature is realnand so is the mayhem. Even though the film isn’t all that great, I always likednthe way this creature looked.  

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nMonster Quote: “They are all dead!”

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nFilm: Little Monsters (1988)

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nCreature:  Boy

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nComments: The idea behind Little Monsters is very similar tonPixar’s Monsters Inc. (2001), that of a magical world where monsters live andntrain to scare the beejezus out of kids everywhere. Fred Savage becomes bestnfriends with Maurice, one of the monsters played by 80’s comedian Howie Mandel.nLittle Monsters is ultra cheesy and has some cringe inducing dialog, but thenmonster underworld offers up a lot of strange creatures; one even played bynRick Ducommun. One of the weirdest monsters is a character called ‘Boy’, thenleader of the monsters. At one point his face is ripped off and we get thenbeautiful looking beastie pictured above. A cheesy movie no doubt, but annightmare inducing one if you saw it when you were a a kid!

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nMonster Quote: “We’re the reason brothers hate their sisters”

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nFilm: The Church (1989)

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nCreature: Winged Demon

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nComments: Michelle Soavi’s The Church is a film about hownthese overzealous Christians killed and buried all these people that weren’tnChristian, and then built a church on top of their buried bodies! Christiansncan be quite morbid sometimes!  Sonanyhow, fast forward a few hundred years and a group of people get lockedninside of this church with absolutely no way of getting out! On top of thingsnthe angry spirits of all the people that were buried start attacking everybody!nAt one point, one of the demons manages to lure a lady to have sex with her onntop of an altar!  This is one of thenstrangest images on this film, and it isn’t the only demon to get some on thisnfilm either!

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nFilm: Coneheads (1993)

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nCreature: The Garthok

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nComments: So when the Coneheads return to their home world,nthey are put on trial for not having conquered earth. In order to pay for theirnfailure Beldar Conehead must battle The Garthok, the cool stop motion animationncreature pictured above. This was one of the last times that stop motionnanimation was used in a major motion picture; cgi was just starting to takenover with the release of Jurassic Park (1993), from here on in it’s all cgi allnthe time in monster movies!

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nMonster Quote: “Therefore you will Narftle The Garthok!”

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nFilm: House (1986)

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nCreature: Winged Skull

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nComments: I know this is my second monster from Housen(1986), but this one is just too weird not to be mentioned. At one point in thenfilm, Roger Cobb, the films protagonist has to make his way down this portalnthat leads into a pit of darkness. As he descends into darkness, hanging from anrope, suddenly a winged skull appears, takes Roger’s shotgun and shoots himnwith it. The visual is pretty crazy, and if I’m not mistaken, Sam Raimi usednthis exact same creature during the opening credits of Evil Dead II: Dead bynDawn (1987). 

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nMonster Quote: “Damn! Come back from the grave and ran outnof ammunition!”

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nFilm: Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990)

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nCreature: Gargoyle

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nComments: This is an anthology film, and one of the storiesnis called ‘Lovers Vow’ and it’s all about this artist who stumbles upon angargoyle in the back alley of a seedy part of town. The gargoyle makes thenartist a proposal, he will grant the artist incredible success and wealth, butnin exchange, the artist must promise never to talk about their encounter, henmust never talk to anyone about the gargoyle. The artist accepts the deal, butncan he keep his promise? What will happen if he breaks it? 

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nMonster Quote: “If I let you go, you must swear you willnnever see your sorrow, never say you heard me speak, never tell anyone how Inlook, never repeat what I have said; a promise, forever.”

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nFilm: Night of the Demons (1988)

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nCreature: Possessed Angela

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nComments: Night of the Demons is all about Angela, a nerdyngoth girl who throws a Halloween party in Hull House, the house that all thenkids are afraid of. You know, the house that everyone says is haunted, onlynthis time, it really is! Angela invites a selected few to her Halloween bash, butnyou know how stupid teens can get, so they decide to do a séance, on Halloweennnight, in a house that is crawling with demons! It isn’t long before the teensnstart dying in gruesome ways and Angela becomes possessed by demons from hell!

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nMonster Quote: “Blessed be the sinners, for the Day ofnAtonement is at hand”

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nFilm: Deep Star Six (1989)

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nCreature: Crustacean

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nComments: So yeah, this is the film that was to compete withnJames Cameron’s The Abyss (1989), but of course, we all know which film endednup being the better film of the two. Funny story about this movie is that JamesnCameron actually asked the filmmakers of Deep Star Six to delay their film sonit wouldn’t compete with The Abyss, but the filmmakers behind Deep Star Sixnwent ahead anyway and released their film before The Abyss. In my opinionnCameron had nothing to worry about because while they are both “underwaternmonster movies” they are also vastly different in tone. Cameron’s film is morenepic and grand in scope while Deep Star Six is a b-movie all the way, more of ansci-fi horror film, a straight forward monster flick with a creature that looksnlike an ancient crustacean beast.

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nMonster Quote: “Eat this, you big sack of fish shit!”
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