Machete Kills (2013)

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nTitle: Machete Kills (2013)

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nDirector: Robert Rodriguez

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nCast: Danny Trejo, Mel Gibson, Michelle Rodriguez, AmbernHeard, Sofia Vergara, Charlie Sheen, William Sadler, Cuba Gooding Jr., LadynGaga, Antonio Banderas, Jessica Alba, William Sadler, Tom Savini    

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nI’ve always been a huge supporter of Robert Rodriguez’snparticular brand of cinema because it’s obvious the guy loves B-Movies. He getsnthe joys of watching a fun, silly b-movie that you can’t bring yourself to callingn“high art” but you can’t deny having fun with. B-movies can be entertaining,nsleazy, shocking, fast paced, but above all fun. They are a quick thrill, anjolt of electricity down your spine, films you watch for “shits and giggles” asnAustin Powers would say. Right from the beginning of his career Rodriguez has made b-movies and through the years, he’s become a specialist in them. A quick looknthrough his filmology and all you’ll see are b-movies: From Dusk Till Dawn (1994),nPlanet Terror (2007), Machete (2010) to mention but a few. Rarely has hendeviated from the b-movie highway, save for making family films that make tonsnof moolah so he can keep making more b-movies. Keeping that in mind, I reallynwasn’t expecting Machete Kills, the sequel to Machete, to be a ground breakingnfilm in any way or form, in fact, I was expecting the complete opposite. WithnMachete Kills I was expecting a film that would play with familiar b-movientroupes, but taken to the extreme by Rodriguez, the current king of b-moviencinema. Machete Kills is a b-movie on steroids!

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nThis time around, Machete is working on a top secret missionnfor the President of the United States to kill a madman called ‘Voz’ (played by a toungue firmly in cheek Mel Gibson), a maniacnwho wants to destroy the earth and take off on a spaceship to create a new,nperfect society up on his space station. You know, kind of like that James Bond flickncalled Moonraker (1979) in which the villain wanted to do the same exact thing.nAnyways, it’s up to Machete to stop him. Problem is that there’s a group ofnvengeful hookers who want to kill Machete, a personality switching psychopathicnkiller who wants to off Machete for a hefty ransom and on top of all that, anrebellious leader named She wants Machete to be the leader of her revolution!nCan Machete achieve all these things in one movie? Of course he can, we’re innb-movie heaven here! Anything can and does happen!

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nThe minute this movie started, I had a grin on my face. Thatn70’s “coming attraction” thing that pops up in so many Tarantino/Rodrigueznfilms appeared on the screen and I immediately I strapped myself on tight becausenI knew one of those divinely fun fake trailers was about to appear. And surenenough, the film starts with a trailer for Machete Kills Again…In Space! Thenidea for that possible sequel looks all kinds of fun, Machete ends up in anspace station shooting laser guns and wielding a glowing machete that resemblesna lightsaber from Star Wars…only it’s a machete! It looks a bit like Barbarellan(1968) mixed with an ultra cheap version of Star Wars (1977), actually, if Inwere to compare it to anything, I’d say it looks something closer to LuiginCozzi’s Star Crash (1978), an Italian science fiction film that’s incrediblynhilarious, highly recommend you guys check it out if you’re in the mood for ancheap Italian version of Star Wars, in other words, Machete Kills Again…InnSpace! looks like pure unadulterated b-movie goodness, if it ever happens! Sonhow does Machete go from fighting ‘federales’ and the F.B.I., to fighting on anspace station with lasers wheezing by? I’ll tell you how, through the magicnthat Robert Rodriguez concocts behind the camera, that’s how! I mean, here’s andirector who understands that in movie land, any crazy thing you can dream upncan happen and that’s alright because this is a movie! It’s not real! And Inlove that approach he takes with some of his movies and I loved that aboutnMachete Kills.

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nOf course, I have to be honest, the majority of thenpopulation is going to think this movie is shit and I’ll tell ya why, thisnmovie was made specifically for that core group of people who love b-movies,nfor those fan boys who get why Mel Gibson is driving a hovercraft from StarnWars, or that the whole Machete in Space thing is a spoof of all those moviesnthat end up sending their heroes “to space” because they can’t think ofnanything better to do with their film. So guys like me and that other guy innthe theater I was in that was obviously enjoying the movie, laughed like maniacs, the other half was asking “why arenthose guys laughing?” But who cares, for those few who get it, this movie willnbe an absolute blast, in fact if you can get past your pompous ass self andnjust give into the madness, you just might have a good time yourself. The moviengoes at a lightning fast pace, crazy things are happening every five seconds,nyou’ll never be bored. There’s always some joke, or some gory, shocking thingnhappening on screen. Don’t look for things making sense, just go with the flownbecause there’s never a dull moment on this movie; there’s one thing this movienis and that’s entertaining.

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nAt the end of the day I can’t bring myself to hate thisnmovie because it delivers exactly what I was expecting from it. I wasn’tnexpecting anything I would take seriously, I was expecting something I wouldnlaugh with and be amused by and that’s exactly what I got. I’m pretty damn surenthat Robert Rodriguez isn’t expecting anyone to give this movie a “goodnreview”, he was making a b-movie and he knew it. True, ever sense Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003), some of Rodriguez’s films have a shot in a hurry feel to them, and the result are sometimes sloppy but I can’t deny the high fun factor of these “sloppy movies” he’s been making. Sure I look forward to the day when he truly focuses all his strengths and makes something as awesome as Sin City (2005) or From Dusk Till Dawn (1994), but till then, I’m having a blast with these b-movies he keeps making. While making Machete Kills, he knew that most people wouldntnget seeing Machete hurling some dudes intestines at the propellers of anhelicopter, he knew they wouldn’t get Sofia Vergara shooting bullets out of herntits, but Rodriguez also knew that a group of us out there willnabsolutely love this movie and get it and want to watch it over and over again,nand those are the ones he made this movie for. I mean where else are you goingnto get a mix of Star Crash (1978), Moonraker (1979) and Mad Max (1979) all innone movie? Nowhere else that’s where! Robert Rodriguez went all out ‘nutso’nwith this movie, I mean, did you ever expect laser guns and people teleporting innand out of existence on a Machete movie? Nope! But you’ll get that as well! And if that doesn’t grab you, then the never ending avalanche of cameos should keep you entertained! I am looking forward to seeing Machete KillsnAgain…In Space! Which is why I am hoping Machete Kills makes its modest 20 millionndollar budget back, I mean seeing Machete and She flying around in Jet Packs,nkicking some villains ass in a cheap version of the death star is the kind ofnstuff I live for! Gotta love those groovy b-movies!

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nRating: 3 out of 5

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