King Kong Lives (1986)

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nTitle: King Kong Lives (1986)

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nDirector:  JohnnGuillermin

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nCast: Linda Hamilton, Brian Kerwin

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nReview:

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nAfter seeing King Kong Lives and giving it a good reassessment,nI can safely say that in the pantheon of really stupid movies, King Kong Lives isna contender for the top spot. I did a couple of articles a while back on Worst Movies Ever Made and I completely forgot about this one on there, in fact, Inthink I’ll edit the articles to include it. Yeah, its stupidity cannot benignored. Wowzers this movie was bad! Let’s see, where do I begin? Well, let’snstart at the beginning; King Kong Lives is the direct sequel to JohnnGuillermin’s King Kong (1976), the one that starred Jessica Lange, Jeff Bridgesnand Charles Grodin. That film in turn was a remake of King Kong (1933), thenfilm that started it all. Guillermin’s 1976 remake wasn’t bad at all, it retoldnthe story with modern effects, it was campy, fun, it even had some romance innthe mix. The only problem with watching it today is that the effects looknreally out dated; the filmmakers did what they could with the effects that werenavailable at the time. When it was released, it was a marvel to behold; legendarynmake up effects artists Rick Baker and Carlo Rambaldi joined forces to createnthe beast for that movie, the results while not at all convincing (Rick Bakernwasn’t entirely pleased with the final results) won the filmmakers an AcademynAward for Best Special Effects. Guillermin’s remake was one of the mostnsuccessful films of 1977 (ranking fifth) and when aired on television, it wasnalso a ratings success; so of course, a sequel was a no brainer. Unfortunatelynit took the producers ten years to get going with it. So, literally ten yearsnafter the success of the first film, King Kong Lives roared its ways intontheaters.

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nThe biggest problem with this movie is all the stupidity younhave to accept in order to follow the story. I know, watching a film about angiant gorilla stomping New York City already requires huge amounts of suspensionnof disbelief, but damn, this movie asked for more suspension of disbelief thannhumanly possible. The first idea we’re supposed to swallow is that Kong didn’tndie at the ending of the previous film. Now this is virtually impossible sincenthe giant ape was shot down by machine guns! He fell from the top of the WorldnTrade Center! We heard his heart stop beating! I mean, everything pointed to Kongndying, same way he died in the original film. But no, the filmmakers behindnthis film (who by the way are the same ones who made the 1976 remake, rightndown to its director) ask us to believe that some way, somehow, Kong has beennin some sort of a coma for more than 10 years!? Okay, fine, I’ll take thatnjagged little pill, but then we’re supposed to believe that Kong is getting anheart transplant! Okay, maybe I can believe that, but then after the operationnthe guy doesn’t even have the freaking scar he is supposed to have on hisnchest! The inconsistencies escalade that way all throughout the movie.

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nSo anyhow, then there’s a Lady Kong that suddenly appears innthe Congo and some Indiana Jones wannabe who goes by the name of Hank Mitchellnfinds this Lady Kong and sells her to the same university that is trying to givenKong a heart transplant. Now, here’s my big question: why would they want tonbring Kong back to life? After all the death and destruction he brought to thencity? Don’t they figure he can do much, much worse if he wakes up again? Inmean, it’s like trying to wake up freaking Godzilla! Nobody wants that! Notnonly this, but then they actually consider bringing in a female, so they canngive Kong the chance to multiply and bring forth little baby Kong’s that cannprobably wreck havoc on the city just as well! These must be the stupidest scientistsnthis side of Howard the Duck! Not only that, but they don’t have the propernfacilities to contain a beast like Kong. The funniest part of the whole thingnis this; they struggle to give Kong a new heart so the beast can come back tonlife and we get the impression that somebody actually cares for Kong. But then afternhe wakes up, they drug him and put him right back to sleep! So what’s the deal?nDid they want to bring him back to life or not? The characters in this film arenplaying games with poor Kong, leave the damn beast alone! Make up your mindsnabout what you want to do with him, but this thing about resuscitating,ndrugging, resuscitating and drugging is just abusive! Especially with ancreature who has a heart condition like Kong. 

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nBut yeah, this movie is all about Kong’s heart beatingnfaster every time he gets a whiff of Lady Kong,  who’s being held captive in a hangar, rightnnext to Kong’s. It’s kind of funny seeing Kong fall in love and yes my friends,nthis is what you are going to see, Kong falling in love! Kong hitting on angirl, slowly working his way up to the big event, the only difference this timenaround is that he’s sticking to his species. In the first film he falls for anhuman, but on this one he’s found one of his own to do the dirty deed with. Here’snthis rampaging beast that suddenly gets all sweet on us! You have to see Kong’snface when he sees his female counterpart for the first time! It’s quite funny! Songet ready to see Kong actually grab Lady Kong’s ass!, I’m not kidding, thisnhappens on this movie! Lady Kong’s reaction is priceless! See Kong share a mealnwith his lady! See Kong getting some! Yes my friends, not only does Kong get itnon in this movie, he also takes that big step and becomes a dad. There’s thisnthing they tried to do which was show parallels between humans and animals, sonwhile Kong is getting it on with Lady Kong, the Indiana Jones type gets it onnwith the scientist who takes care of Kong’s heart, who by the way is played bynLinda Hamilton. Her reply to getting it on in the woods with the adventurer is “wenare primates too”.

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nOne of the biggest downsides to this movie are the special effects. This movie was made in 1986, but they decided to make this movie like it was still 1976. The 1976 version of King Kong updated things from an effects stand point. They decided not to use stop motion effects and instead decided having men in suits act like giant gorillas. They even went and built a gigantic robotic version of Kong that cost more then a million bucks! Here’s a funny little bit of info from that 1976 version of King Kong, they spent a bunch of money creating that giant version of Kong, and it only appears on the film for like five seconds! Talk about a waste of money, but anyways, King Kong Lives though made ten years after the 1976 version made absolutely zero advancements in effects techniques. For all intents and purposes, this movie might as well have been in the 70’s. Men in suits and miniatures galore.  

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nBut then, after Kong plants his seed, the army takes LadynKong away and it turns into a film about Kong trying to find his Lady friend. Onnhis way he stumbles upon a couple of rednecks who want to make fun of him andnthey get what’s coming to them. There’s a chunk of the film which simply hasnKong going around destroying little towns and smashing Lamborghinis, then thenarmy decides they can take Kong on, apparently they never learn. Same thingnhappens in Japan, the army there doesn’t quite get it yet that their littlentanks and guns are no good against Godzilla! Here it’s the same; they seem tonthink that bullets and tanks make them invincible against a giant gorilla! Nownhere’s where this movie gets even freaking stupider…the whole process ofnimpregnation and birth for Lady Kong seems to happen in a matter of days! Ha! Beforenyou know it, Lady Kong is pregnant and giving birth to Baby Kong! Thisnmovie is nuts, it’s the kind of movie that makes you wonder what the producersnand director where thinking of when they made it. Still, I’ll let you be thenjudge of it because after all, a bad movie like this is good for a laugh, whichnis the only thing I can recommend this movie for. A laugh! And making me laughnain’t a bad thing, a lot of people have a soft spot for this movie, warts andnall. I gotta say, Kong kind of grows on you after a while. This film was the lastnnail on director John Guillermin’s coffin, after two blockbuster failuresnSheena (1984) and King Kong Lives; he never made another film again. I wondernwhy? I guess it just proves one thing: one two many failures in a row will get you a free pass out of Hollywood. 

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nRating:  2 out of 5 

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